I do some of my best thinking on the treadmill. I ran for an hour toady. I registered us for two running events coming up in the Spring and I have to get used to long distance running again, not to mention that half-marathon at some point this year. It had been a while since I ran for a full hour but after the 30 minute mark I didn't even notice the time. I need to push it past that first hour, but that will come.
While running I was thinking about the events of the past week. I had an embarrassing situation arise when I discovered that having Bruce come into the club as my guest to train me was in violation of the club rules. By coincidence, the membership secretary of the club is one of my Weight Watchers members. Before the meeti started I asked her if it was okay to sign my trainer as a guest in more than twice a month as is allowed. She said it was not okay and that since I was paying him, he wasn't allowed, period. I was shocked and more than a bit unhappy, especially since the conversation took place in front of other members as well.
The following day I had to tell Bruce we were not going to be able to train any longer unless he could find another space for us. I can't get my money back but he said he would hold it in reserve for Boot Camp again in the Spring. Well enough, but I was really looking forward to the extra training this winter. I know I can go on training by myself; I have done it before, but I have become really dependant on a trainer. I have a foolish and irrational fear that if I don't keep up with my training I will gain all my weight back, which is ridiculous, because first and foremost, I have a weight loss program which works, and I should know that better than anyone.
I spent the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself and fighting the temptation to eat. I wasn't always successful. I ate a lot of popcorn and had a few extra bevvies come evening.
The following day I said "Enough!" and forced myself out of bed early. I went on a house-cleaning rampage and vacuumed, dusted and mopped, as well as cleaning both the bathrooms. While doing so, I remembered a question from a member in one of last week's meetings. She asked me when, if ever, she could expect to lose the knee-jerk reaction of wanting to eat chips every time things went wrong, like when she had a fight with her husband. At the time I told her it would come with training, just like our reaction time becomes trained in fitness. But I realised, as I cleaned, that we are all guilty of backsliding sometimes, depending on the level of emotional impact. I need to make cleaning my knee-jerk reaction, not self-pity, whenever there's a kink in my plans. Wonder what she'd say if I suggested she try cleaning instead of chips? If it won't work for her it sure did for me. I have often taken my anger or fear out on my house in the form of a massive cleaning spree. It helps take my mind off things and I have clean house as a result. Sometimes I just fall out of the habit.
All of this came back to me as I ran this morning. It's about breaking some habits (dependency on trainer) and rekindling some old ones (cleaning) which will get most of us through rough times.
I can do this.